I Wish (a note to my daughter)

Some days, I sit here and think about the choices you are making. Yes, all of them but the small ones really. Like when you decide to dress a certain way to impress or feel you can’t leave the house without make up. I want to scream at you (in the most loving way) that you are beautiful the way you are. I want to tell you that you don’t need to wear that to impress some boy.

I wish that I could say, I walked down the path that you have and trust me when I say you don’t need to. I have done things that I am definitely not proud of to impress “the right” people. I’ve only got hurt sweetie. The people who truly love you, love you in what ever you are wearing. They love you with no make up or not having to be someone that you think you should be for them.

People are hard my dear girl and if you spend your life trying to please them, you will feel empty and alone, even if you are with a lot of “friends”. I’d love to tell you that God is the only one who can make you feel not alone and give you the security that you are looking for and that if you could only put your full trust in Him, you would truly understand what that means.

I get how hard that is because I’m still learning how to do that. I have spent so many more years trying to please others and not myself or the Lord that I try to serve. When you find the right person or even friends, they will make you feel like you accomplished something great together, not something dark. They will help you to shine light one to others. They will help you to look at this hurting world and go I need to show others that God does still exist.

They will light up the room when they see you and you will do the same for them because you are full of happiness and not full of trying to please.  When you are so focused on pleasing others, you forget yourself and feel rejected when they don’t do what is expected them to do. It hurts so bad and you don’t see His light shining through, you see hurt and heartache. Again, I wish I could tell you I’ve been there and you understand that it is true. That you could know that just because I am 23 year older than you does not mean that I don’t understand or that today’s world is different.

Yes, hunny, it is. I know it is and it scares me too but it does not mean I haven’t been there. It just means that we each had different struggles to carry. Each may be different but all relative.

I love you my dear daughter. You are very special and you will be a star shining bright for the world. Just know if you are happy with yourself because God made you who you are- very unique, just like me. People may not like you but who cares, God loves you. I love you. That is all that really matters and you let your light shine through who you are sweet child.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Where did I go Wrong

I sit her and think this is probably what my parents thought 100 times over when I was growing up. And now today, I find myself asking this same question. When I was a kid, I dreamed that one day I would have a large family of my own. 5 kids to be exact. I would be the cool mom that would play with her kids. The one that her kids would feel comfortable coming to with all their needs. I dream of this large family and all the things we would do. We would go on adventures together and travel.

It’s true that when you start out with a large family, someone has to stay home to take care of them at least until they go to school full time. Then the realities of how expensive a large family sets in and parents need to have a 2 income home to survive unless 1 person can make the income of 2. So then work takes over slowly. You find less and less time for that dream you had and all the time spent on stressing over paying bills, doing well enough at work, and getting the kids to where they need to be. The play time becomes limited to time off and the expectations of the family unit raise.

Now, don’t get me wrong with that. I’ve always had an old-fashioned mentality on chores and children learning them, as well as discipline. But it seems that when it’s no longer a game to get everything cleaned up as quickly as possible and becomes the reality of responsibility, it is no longer the thing anyone wants to do. When the snack times go away and its a free for all, then overeating and sneaking of all kinds of foods happens. And then the fighting enters in the picture. Okay so I’m not saying that when they were younger there was no fighting but I’m saying it was different. Now who has time for that. They don’t, we don’t so it’s all about the rush, rush, rush. Things get forgotten, chores don’t get done, and people get frustrated.

We all have these ideals when it comes to our lives and then we face the challenges that throw us off course and don’t know what to do from there. It is easy when we expect them and can be proactive. It’s so much harder when it comes out of nowhere and hits us square in the face. Last night I got the text that read “I need a break so won’t be coming home for a few days and going to stay at a friends house” Here’s the thing- even though I didn’t have a cell phone, I did this to my parents as a kid. Smack right across the face, here comes reality. Sometimes I’m not sure which is worse, knowing what she is going through and the path she is leading but not being able to help because “she is different” or the fact that I did these exact things to my parents and now know how they felt and just how stupid I really was.

I turn to my Bible and ask for guidance as this will not shake my faith. If I could only help her to find God like I did and help her to see a better way much sooner than I did. Parenting is truly a blessing and I thank God every day for the children he has given me. I am truly blessed.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

If I was more like

Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to another person? If I was more like Henry, I’d be popular. I wish I had the confidence of Olivia. Or I just wish I wasn’t so angry all the time and more like Ginger. Okay so I used some fun names to make a point but I said that this morning watching Olivia Newton John on stage in a video.

Immediately, I told myself that I don’t need to be like that because I am who I want to be. Now, that is hard because we don’t always see our values. The funny thing is at work, I get told this all the time. I have a co-worker who says that I am so good on the phone and she strives to be like me. It always throws me off as I don’t see myself as anything but me. You know?

I’ve always been a bit of a baby whisper and people I know will hand their babies to me knowing full well that I could probably put them to sleep. And when I did daycare, I had a baby who wouldn’t even go to grandma but the first time meeting me came to me without a tear.

My point is we all have our special gifts and we should embrace what we have instead of looking at someone and say I want that. We are special too. The person who tells me I’m great on the phone is the same person that I wish I could be more firey like. But that is what makes us a great team. We each have our strengths and if we were all the same, well then nothing would probably be accomplished.

Have a great day!!

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Just write

I have found myself thinking a lot about my next blog lately. Problem is so many ideas and no time to sit in front of the computer. Then the ideas change, whether it is the same general idea that has changed into a new way to write it that might be good but not how I remembered feeling or if it is just completely forgotten and a new idea pops in my mind.

So many ideas on running. I’ve learned so much in this time of no writing. Then the whole shooting in Florida and wow did I think of some powerful ideas/ well thoughts mostly. I mean we keep hearing on the gun control and oh my gosh do people go crazy on this and not hear the full thoughts of each side. Each side has great ideas but no one wants to listen, they just want to fight, which is just as bad as the shooter.

So this blog is just a reminder that if you are thinking it, write it out. It doesn’t have to be in front of a computer but if you get it down on paper then one day it can get out in different ways.

OH and I finally started my thankful journal of the year. Its been hard to keep up with every night, I’m just trying to remember the great things of the day and just be thankful.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Running for a cause

Okay for the last 2 weeks I have wanted to get in front of a computer to blog but wow does life get in the way. 🙂

So 2 weeks ago, I wanted to tell you how bad not stretching is for you.  As you know, I typically yoga before and after a run and on my “rest” days. Well that 1 week, I just didn’t have the time. Found myself running in more ways than 1 and not having time to stretch much (yoga is more than that but for this week…). Well come Monday after that morning run- oh my was a I sore. I started a new to me app- Nike + Run. But I did not run anything that was much different that week from normal.

I came to realize how important stretching or my yoga really is. I don’t get sore- sore. I get that oh my I worked out sore a bit but not that I can’t move sore when I do my yoga. Funny thing is yoga makes me so much stronger so I can feel that workout sore from that too. I love it! And will not risk that again.

So I mentioned the app- Well I have to tell you how much I love this app- seriously! I have slowed way down which is a bit uncomfortable, especially at first but it’s made me a better runner. I can run for longer times and my sprints are getting much faster. I love it! seriously to the point I am obsessed. lol

So tonight was the big really learning about what I am doing by signing up for this race with world vision. I learned about the cause more. So there are kids that have to walk miles for clean water. They talked particularly about this one girl who is now 13. She has been walking since she was 4- 3 miles to get dirty water every day for her family. She risks so many things in this walk- animal predators and people ones. Scary stuff. I learned that it only took $50 to get her clean water for a lifetime. This is what I am doing raising money for kids like her to get water- no clean water, not the dirty stuff that kills 800 children a day!- for a lifetime. I don’t know how I could have said no- 26.2 miles- I said never. Well here is never and I am going to kick never’s Arse!

If you want to sponsor me-  https://www.teamworldvision.org/participant/106684

Whatever you can do helps- 5 people donating $10 would get that water for one for a lifetime so that is just a start. I want to get water for 200 kids. That is saving the lives of 1/4 who pass away each day from dirty water! Crazy. But there are so many others running with me. One person cannot do it all but together we are a beast and we will tackle it together. Thank you all for your support- love to you!

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Mortality

Over the last week or so, I have watched a friend go through the hard times of watching her mom in the hospital and eventually her gate was open to walk with Jesus. Her family was close by and it looks like they made so many wonderful memories in the hardest of times. Many times I found myself crying even though I never met this family because I understand so well what they are going through.

I remember that summer before thinking mom had a look in her eyes like she knew her final days were coming soon. I told my husband, we don’t have long with mom, maybe 6 months. He said, “Really?” and didn’t see what I saw but knew that we were close and sometimes I just know these things. Right before that Christmas, I remember thinking that she didn’t look well again- she just had this look in her eyes that I could see her time was coming. She ended up going into the doctor because of this cough and he officially told my parents it wouldn’t be long.

She celebrated Christmas with us and we got her into the nursing home after. She wasn’t doing well. She did her best every day to show us she was okay though. She hated the breathing tube so took it out of her nose often. She also tried to be stubborn with doing stuff for herself but they installed an alarm on her bed that went off if she tried to get out on her own. She couldn’t breathe well and it was really hard for her to even walk to the bathroom.

We colored and played cards when she was up for it and visited often. I knew she was hanging on for something but knew it wouldn’t be long. Easter came around. I saw her that morning on my way to the inlaw’s home. I told her I would be back after the others visited. I knew everyone was coming and with our family that would be crowded in that nursing home. I gave her a big hug, she didn’t have much in her hugs in weeks. She smiled, she was so happy for everyone to be coming.

I stopped back to the nursing home, I heard mom had such a wonderful day. I came into the room and she could barely move. I knew it would be soon. I gave her a hug and she just hung on. It was her strongest hug in a very long time. I said, “it’s okay mom, you can go see grandma and grandpa. I’ll be okay”. She shook her head yes and just held on for a few mins more. She fell back to sleep and I left.

I called my sister who was the contact for everything and I said you call me the second you hear. She was like what do you mean? mom was so good today, she laughed, told jokes, and so full of life. I said, Kathy- it will be soon. I explained what happened tonight and she was a bit baffled but knew I was probably right. I got the text first thing the next morning and I jumped in the car and went straight out there. She was barely breathing and passed so beautifully in front of the few of us that were there. My sister who was travelling still, said she saw a light in the rain and knew what had happened. She was close. It was so beautiful.

It is so hard to lose a mother but also so hard to watch them suffer. My prayers are going out to my friend’s family. I pray that they find comfort in knowing that she led a good life and will be going onto her eternal life free from pain. My love goes out to all who have lost someone close to them or going through anything similar.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Complaining Goal

This year I have actually decided that I would focus on “resolutions”. This is one that didn’t make the “list” per say but one that I find just as important to work on. We have become a society that has found humor in complaining and it has become a focus. Monday is coming- oh no another work week. What? Our ancestors thrived in working. We go to school to become our dream only complain about doing it?

When I was re-reading Psycho-Cybernetics (which is like reading for the first time), I heard that someone predicted that the “Thank God it’s Friday” phrase would stir up an “Oh no it’s Monday” phrase. It did. To push it further, we now get a long holiday weekend or vacation and absolutely dread going back to work the next week. It doesn’t make sense.

I look at my 18 year old son and he is proud to be working. He is a sandwich artist and he does everything he can to work. He does not complain. He is in college to do something much more and he is enjoying his ride to get there. I think sometimes we are so focused on what we want in the future that we forget to just sit back and enjoy where we are now.

I do believe this starts with a mindset of thankfulness and looking forward to each day as it comes. Work is not going to go away and if we spend each week dreading Monday, we are wasting at least one-seventh of our life complaining about Mondays. Wow, that is too much time focused on the negative. So this year I am vowing to look at each day as a new adventure, to be happy with what I have (I could be jobless and be stressed about so much more), and to make sure I know each day what I am thankful for. What are your commitments?

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

2018 Goals

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the things that I want to start doing. I’m really doing a purging week this week to start strong.

But it is a little ironic when I think about my post for New Years last year and when I look back over the year.

Some things I find myself thinking about is

  • being careful not to go overboard to a point that I quit
  • How will I stay on track since I’ve set some major goals
  • Is there a team I can join to keep accountability
  • And so many other fears that have me questioning everything

I hate setting anything with a new year in mind but honestly it’s more about timing than a new year. See I set the goal for marathon before now. I knew the holidays would be hard and while I tried to keep to a schedule, as soon as I got busy that went away. How fitting that my previous trainers newsletter today was all about excuses. He stated that if you were promised millions of dollars would you find a way anyway to get you healthy living done?

Wow that’s pretty powerful and I do it all the time. This is a huge reason why I’m scared to commit to the marathon. I’m great at making excuses and that is not a way to live. I need to fight for my health and doing things right and subsequently this race.

So while I enter a new year with many goals, most are mini-goals to achieve a much larger goal which I’m hoping in the long run will lead to a life long of better health (looky there I made a pun)

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Conformity

I am different. Sometimes my thoughts, actions, clothes, and everything else is not the same as everyone else and guess what? It is okay! I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I have raised 4 children that are young adults and each are so incredibly different from one another. They have the same moral compass for the main part but could not be further from the same. Sometimes I find myself questioning this and how it came to be.

The thing is, there are times in my life that I feel like I’m losing an argument because my opinion of something does not conform to the crowd. My opinion vs. theirs does not make either one of us right or wrong- it is how we feel. Why do we do this to each other. I’ve seen pure stubbornness come out to the point that people fight when you can see neither wants to anymore. But the thing is, they know that what they feel is valid and the other person just cannot see so they try to explain in different ways to get the other person to understand. But all that comes out is more frustration because the other person is doing the same. Both are feeling Like the other is understanding and no one is winning.

Why is it so hard to understand the easiest thing to do would be to say- I understand your point of view and mine is different. Both are okay to have and we should not change either just know that we each have a point of view.

One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is “You don’t have to be like the world to have an impact on the world. You don’t have to be like the crowd to change the crowd. You don’t have to lower yourself down to their level to lift them up to your level. Holiness doesn’t seek to be odd. Holiness seeks to be like God”

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Give your praise

before you hit your knee- what a great phrase, have you ever thought about what it means?

It is so easy for us to fall into the victim role- it made not be our mentality per say but we fall into this role without thinking about it. We will think why is this happening to me and then we go straight to prayer griping about our woes. We ask, ask, ask, and repeat.

Now let’s stop and think about the saying. Giving praise does so much for us than we realize. Not only are we recognizing God for all that He does, we are seeing the great things in our life. Our focus begins to shift. We realize that it is not all bad.

A big question is where to get started. Praise doesn’t always come easy, especially when facing something big in our life. We tend to lose focus of the good and only see bad. I like to call this walking around in the dark and only seeing the dark. We forget to search for the light even though it is beckoning just beyond the tree line.

My advise- start with a list (if you know me, you know I LoVe my lists). I would say start really small. We tend to lean towards the big stuff first because we want to just jump. This is overwhelming and yes easy to give up. So write 1 thing down a day, if that is all you can do. Since it is common to start my goals in 3-5s, I would say start there. But do what you can, just remember not to over do it.

You can start at the simplest. I’m thankful for the roof over my head, food on my table, my family and pets. I’m thank to have a job, a car, place to live, and that list can go on and on. Easy enough, write down 3-5 similar each day. As you are going, start looking at more of your day. I’m thankful I made it to work on time and safe. I’m thankful that all my family made it home tonight to eat dinner around the table. I’m thankful for the time I spent with my friend or family member that is hard to see. The more you start to see these things daily, the more light you start to let in and the less dark your world will become.

Colossians 3:17 (NIV)

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

A book that I was recommended to read and is in my amazon cart for my next order is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. My understanding it is about a woman who is finding her way to thankfulness and her recommendations on how to do this & what she experienced doing so. If you get this book, let me know what you think and I’ll do the same as soon as I read it.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-