Where did I go Wrong

I sit her and think this is probably what my parents thought 100 times over when I was growing up. And now today, I find myself asking this same question. When I was a kid, I dreamed that one day I would have a large family of my own. 5 kids to be exact. I would be the cool mom that would play with her kids. The one that her kids would feel comfortable coming to with all their needs. I dream of this large family and all the things we would do. We would go on adventures together and travel.

It’s true that when you start out with a large family, someone has to stay home to take care of them at least until they go to school full time. Then the realities of how expensive a large family sets in and parents need to have a 2 income home to survive unless 1 person can make the income of 2. So then work takes over slowly. You find less and less time for that dream you had and all the time spent on stressing over paying bills, doing well enough at work, and getting the kids to where they need to be. The play time becomes limited to time off and the expectations of the family unit raise.

Now, don’t get me wrong with that. I’ve always had an old-fashioned mentality on chores and children learning them, as well as discipline. But it seems that when it’s no longer a game to get everything cleaned up as quickly as possible and becomes the reality of responsibility, it is no longer the thing anyone wants to do. When the snack times go away and its a free for all, then overeating and sneaking of all kinds of foods happens. And then the fighting enters in the picture. Okay so I’m not saying that when they were younger there was no fighting but I’m saying it was different. Now who has time for that. They don’t, we don’t so it’s all about the rush, rush, rush. Things get forgotten, chores don’t get done, and people get frustrated.

We all have these ideals when it comes to our lives and then we face the challenges that throw us off course and don’t know what to do from there. It is easy when we expect them and can be proactive. It’s so much harder when it comes out of nowhere and hits us square in the face. Last night I got the text that read “I need a break so won’t be coming home for a few days and going to stay at a friends house” Here’s the thing- even though I didn’t have a cell phone, I did this to my parents as a kid. Smack right across the face, here comes reality. Sometimes I’m not sure which is worse, knowing what she is going through and the path she is leading but not being able to help because “she is different” or the fact that I did these exact things to my parents and now know how they felt and just how stupid I really was.

I turn to my Bible and ask for guidance as this will not shake my faith. If I could only help her to find God like I did and help her to see a better way much sooner than I did. Parenting is truly a blessing and I thank God every day for the children he has given me. I am truly blessed.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *